The Best Places to Pee in Public [August 5, 2011]

I’m sorry I’m late (*cough* that’s what she said *cough*). I’m gonna be honest with you. I really don’t want to write this post this week. I’m not sure why, but I just can’t get excited about any of the movies coming out. However, if I don’t write anything, then I’m kind of an asshole for having this blog in the first place (don’t question that logic, it makes perfect sense).

Without any further ado, here are the films Hollywood thinks is worth your $12 this week:

Rise of the Planet of the Apes or For the Love of God, End This Franchise

Good lord what a fucking horrific idea for a movie. What’s next, Soylent Green, the Cook Book?

Fun for the whole family!

Why the hell does Planet of the Apes need an origin story? Hell, why did it need a sequel? Every subsequent movie based on the Planet of the Apes universe has just been Hollywood defecating on the original masterpiece. And what reality is this Planet of the Apes prequel related to? It can’t be the original. Charlie Heston and pals were space travelers from Earth (you know, hence him being surprised by it still being Earth). This new movie is set in modern day… I don’t know of any deep space missions that have happened as of late, so wouldn’t Mr. Heston have a rather adequate memory of Ape Day?

Especially since Ape Day would be commemorated with giant balloons.

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