This is The First Day of the Rest of My Life (without any Harry Potter) [July 22, 2011]

You know what’s great about today? I will never wait in line for another Harry Potter event ever again. There are no more books in the series, and the movies have all finally been released. It’s all over, and I can now put this swelling lump of disappointment far behind me.

For those of you who miss waiting in line for Harry Potter...

This week, Hollywood decided to change things up and deliver generic movies with well-worn premises (the “change things up” refers to the fact that they’re actually worth watching).

On a side note, I have no editor this week, which means my pictures are going to be stupid with lazy-ass captions. I’ll also probably get “their” “there” and “they’re” confused enough for someone to revoke my creative writing minor. At least you’ll be able to freely read without getting tripped up over the ten thousand commas typically inserted into my sentences.

Captain America: The First Avenger or It’s About Damn Time!

I have the same affinity for comic book superheroes that gay men have for boobs: I’m very familiar with them, I can tell when they’re good, but they just don’t do it for me. (Just to be clear, I’m saying that comic book superheroes don’t do it for me; boobs do.)

Though I'm more of an ass man...

Though I'm more of an ass man...

That being said, there are two superheroes I have always loved. The first is Batman, but Hollywood has been all over his gonads since day one. The second is Captain America.

I’m not really sure why I like Captain America. Maybe because my dad was in the Marine Corps when I was a kid, and they seemed pretty similar. Maybe because Steve Rogers was kind of like a Bruce Wayne or Tony Stark without money. Maybe because I had a costume that could fire a patriotic Frisbee at people. For whatever reason, I have always liked Captain America, and I have had to wait my whole life to see him on film. In the past 60 years, there has only been one theatrical tribute to my second favorite superhero, and I’ll bet you didn’t even know that film existed. If you think that looks bad, you should see the two made for TV movies about him in the late 70s.

I'm Captain America! I have a Super Scooter!

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